In Defence of Depravity

I think it's time I said some words in defence of my porn lamp. Or, rather, in defence of my purchase of the porn lamp. See that gentle orange glow? That's how it looked in the IKEA showroom. I realise I get dazed and confused in IKEA and attempt to purchase anything that isn't welded to the floor, but that's not an evil light, is it? True, it looks like something you might need to use in hospital, but there is nothing in that picture to suggest the Close-Encounters-type, apocalyptic red FLOOD that emanates from the damn thing when you plug it in at my house, making it look like we're running a bordello...or having a bonfire indoors. I switch it on now and again just to make it feel useful...but never when there's a footy match on. (Oooh, satire!)