Two Coffees Too Many

You live overseas
You've been dead for 30 years
You're my best friend's brother
You're sleeping with my mother
You're gay
I was accidentally rude to you
In the supermarket 18 months ago
And whoever I was you'll never forgive me - forgive me

I work nights and you work days
I went out with you at school - it was too early
I hate your stupid sportscar
I lost you in a crowded bar
And it turns out you're engaged
I sat next to you on the bus last week
But I was too busy playing with my phone

The sign
On the door
Of the office
Of destiny reads,
"Back in 5 minutes."