Lovestruck - Part the Second

That was one hell of a tea break, wasn't it?
Not much of a segue, but there you are.

I went to a wedding the weekend before last. A lovely wedding, the wedding of a very old and dear friend, and the first of several weddings I am to attend this year. Must be something in the water. Not exactly breaking news, but I've been mulling over the whole concept of weddings and it's taken me this long to come to my conclusions.

Speaking only for myself, I don't think I want (another) one. Not a sour-grapes response, no, but I probably wouldn't have thought this deeply about things if my own hadn't crashed and/or burned. There are, in my humble
op-onion, some things wrong with your run-of-the-mill wedding. (I don't intend to offend anyone who is or intends to get married - these are just some thoughts. I had a great time at the wedding I went to and I'm desperately pleased for the bride and groom. I hope I find their kind of happiness.)

Firstly, you make vows that can, and all too frequently are, broken. I don't think anyone goes into a marriage intending to break their vows, but what's the point of making them when you can get out of them? What I mean is that just vowing something doesn't hold you to do it. Getting married doesn't keep you together - you've got to keep working at it. You don't need to make a vow, you need to LIVE it over every day. A wedding doesn't change anything about your relationship to each other - and I think once the ring's on the finger, a lot of people get LAZY.

Which leads me to my second point - given the nature of your standard relationship nowadays, how do you decide when to get married? Most couples who end up getting married have reached commitment point long before they walk down the aisle. My newlywed friends have a house, shared cars and a dog - they've only just got their rings. If, after that, you're going to publicly declare your love and devotion in the presence of those dear to you, can't the ceremony be developed more to reflect this? It's a confirmation, not a joining together, and I think that should be reflected in the nature of the accompanying shindig. You should have a 'we love each other' party...and then bugger off together to the Bahamas to reward yourselves for all your hard work. I think the gradual development of your connection to each other is a much more natural way to go about things than suddenly being thrust upon each other because you've got married. That must be bloody stressful.

Added to that - if it's a declaration of commitment, why can't gay couples get married? AND a lot of weddings are stressful and expensive - who wants to spend six months choosing coordinating napkins and tablecloths? AND I disagree with the idea that two people 'become one' - if anything's important, it's to hang on to yourself first, otherwise there's no way you can support someone else. AND I disagree with the idea of brides being given away. AND why don't fellas get engagement bands?

Give me barefoot on the beach and no speeches.
Sod prawn cocktails, give me all trust and no ring.