Awake

There is a difference between 'tired' and 'sleepy'.

I am very tired. It's been a long day for the night-shifter, conscious before 7:00am. Now it's late and I'm due out out at the uni before 9:00 the next morning, so I desperately need to get to bed if I'm to stand any chance of being on time. I am tired, but I am not sleepy.

The sheets on my bed are fresh, still smelling of sunshine. My pyjamas are warm from the dryer. This is Horlicks for your outsides, and yet...
I am tired, but I am not sleepy.

I've left my book in the car, so I take an ancient James Herriot from the pile beside my bed. Eight chapters later, I am tired, but I am not sleepy.

I get up, take out my contact lenses, change the cat's water, fetch his trembling mouse out from under the hot water tank, feed the goldfish, clean my teeth again, smother myself with moisturiser, drink a glass of water and go back to bed. I must, must sleep. I extinguish the line of candles along my windowsill and turn off the chicken lamp. In the dark I cuddle up to my pillow and try to be lulled by the rustle of the trees and the whisper of approaching rain. I try to think myself dead.

I am tired, but I am not sleepy.