Vertigo
I've finally got around to reading Milan Kundera's 'The Unbearable Lightness of Being', first published in 1984, and in it I came across this - in my humble opinion, magnificent - passage about vertigo:
What is vertigo? Fear of falling? Then why do we feel it even when the observation tower comes equipped with a sturdy handrail? No, vertigo is something other than the fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts us and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.
At last I can understand my fear of heights - this describes the situation perfectly. Of course, I am afraid when there's a chance I might fall, but I'm more nervous about accidentally jumping - I don't suffer at all in an aircraft, for example. I have no desire to, but I fear my body might involuntarily leap by itself. It's like the fear on the bus that I might just throw my mobile out the window - you know the one, Alana, Neek - or that I might suddenly start shouting during a minute's silence. I don't want to - I'm just worried that I might. At some fundamental level I mistrust myself.
posted by Magnificent Trout @ 8:25 pm
4 comments
4 Comments:
yes.
or the desire to laugh at a funeral or to push people downstairs or 'literally' kick people when they're down and now I'm painted as a violent person. The point is I don't do it.
Exactly. But we worry about the tiny parts of us that would even suggest it.
I allow myself to think anything -- any horrible, disgusting, or profane hypothetical that pops into my head. I once had a guilt complex about thinking bad things, but I agree with Anika that thinking is not doing. I need to know I have those bits in me so I can supervise/contend with the possibility of actually following through with one of those idiotic or self-destructive acts. Because one day, I probably will commit one, and I should be fully aware of the consequences.
Errr, now I sound like a sociopath. : ( I just think people are capable of anything, and I try to have sensible arguments against my stupid whims on hand.
You don't sound like a sociopath. Just realistic.
Who knows what triggers us to step over the line of thinking to doing?
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